Actually, this is post number 303 of A Boomers Guide to Eldercare. Yay! We passed the 300 mark.
What have I learned during the past eleven-plus years since I started this blog? And from the 25 years of working with seniors and their families?
First, I reaffirmed my original hunch that adult children can often become their parents' heroes, tackling hard choices such as choosing home care, finding assisted living, and advocating for them no matter where they live.
Second, I realized anew that this new role in which we find ourselves is hard work. Terribly hard work at times. But it is important, so important. And our relationship with our parent sets the pace for the many decisions we make on their behalf.
Third, we can't do the job without help. Specifically, we need:
Information: We need to know about so many new things such as Medicare, Medicare, Hospice, and more. This blog and others like attempt to meet this need.
Inspiration: Stories of other people's caregiving experience can give us courage to face our own journeys. Again, this blog has lots of stories. I love stories!
Community: At a time like this when isolation is rampant, we need to seek refuge in the company of others.
Writing this blog has been a joy for me, at least most of the time. My next challenge is publishing a book, Eldercare SOS: Facing Hard Choices With Hope, set to be released during the first half of 2021.
My next post will feature links from the most popular posts. Stay tuned!
Alice Kalso
Alice
Kalso asks, “Who is Ginger Kauffman, and why should we pay attention?”
Both of us write for Boomers. Her blog is called Salt and Pepper: Life and Faith for Boomers and Beyond Mine is A Boomer’s Guide to Eldercare. My first published book, Elder Care SOS: Facing Hard Choices with Hope, will be released during the first half of 2021.
We first met in 1968 during our first year of college.
I had moved from northern California to Seattle. I was getting used to rain,
rain, and more rain. Ginger had lived in Washington all her life, and knew all
about rain. We lived in a dorm on the same floor. Often our conversations
started at night in the washroom and continued for hours. Our subjects: the
world, the universe and Jesus.
Later Ginger and I connected soon after she and her
husband Tom started publishing a magazine. Tom was an excellent photographer
and graphic artist. Ginger enjoyed her role as writer and editor. I became
involved when they asked me to interview a family caring for their 100-year-old
great-grandma in their home. Watching this family working together showed me
how much love and compassion the younger generations can give their elders. To
them, Great-Grandma was not a burden. She was a blessing. As a bonus, my
husband took this lady’s picture.
Ginger and I both share a love for seniors. Hers was
developed soon after college when she worked three years in a church and met
many older people. “I love the older people,” she says. Now as we both approach
the “senior years,” we have definite ideas about God and the things he wants us
to do at this stage of life.
“In my blog, I want to encourage, challenge, and bless
my readers,” she says. “I want to grow in the things the Lord wants me, and all
of us, to do. I want to be faithful in what I write.” Biblical truth and joy
permeate her blog. She uses stories, both from Scripture and from the present
and recent past. She shares favorite Bible verses and gorgeous photos. Together
the blog’s content demonstrates a love of life that can brighten the lives of
people whatever their age.
As for me, I agree with Ginger’s goals. I want my
writing to be filled with the goodness of the Lord. Like Ginger, I’m writing
for Boomers. Yet my blog is specifically geared for adult children who are
dealing with issues relating to their aging loved ones.
My themes are understanding our parents and ourselves,
tackling tough issues such as driving, moving and more, and advocating for our
parents through the end of life. These are huge tasks that can be done only
with the help of others and especially with the help of the Lord Jesus Christ.
I’m so glad I am able to meet Ginger again, and again and
again on life’s road. I see her often in in our writer’s group, Northwest
Christian Writer’s Association. The last time I spoke with Ginger was
yesterday. And no, we didn’t talk into the wee hours. But this conversation
reminds me of other talks in the past. Then and now we speak of Jesus and his
love for us. No matter our ages, that truth still holds and is certainly worth
writing about.
We all want to be remembered, now and after we've passed from this earth. That desire to make a mark that transcends time is especially vital to our aging loved ones. And to us as well. "Bring out the stories," I say. Heartfelt, funny, and insightful, stories help us get to the heart of matter. And to the heart of people.
Take Grandpa Harley, for example. Through stories, mostly told by my father, a minister and storyteller, we children learned about the grandpa behind the quiet demeanor he presented to the world. He had cared for his first wife through her 12 years of tuberculosis, while raising my dad, his son. Later he remarried and had three children. Many of my memories revolved around playing "Red Light, Green Light," and other games with our cousins.
Grandpa Harley was a "pray-er." At least that's what I called him. When we gathered together before our family began the 100-mile drive home, Grandpa always prayed. His prayers were so long we kids knew that if we were close to needing to go to the bathroom, we should go before the prayer, or we could have an accident. Another thing about his prayers: they were always punctuated with "Amens."
One day, in his 70th year, he mowed the lawn at the church, something he did every week. He felt tired afterwards, but not too tired to pray for the pastor and others in the congregation with special needs. The next morning, he suffered a massive heart attack and went to heaven.
Our family has been pulling out some old photos lately. The last picture we have of Grandpa was in our wedding fifty years ago. Two of out grandpas attended. Grandpa Harley was his usual shy self. Grandpa Joe, from Eastern Washington, was his polar opposite. Somehow, though, Grandpa Joe got tricked into sampling a ripe olive that wasn't cured. Sour, sour. But afterwards, a great story.
Digging through the memories is great for our children and grandchildren. Through stories, they can pick up on the importance of legacy. We can, too.
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| Here are Carol and me as grownups. This story is about a gift she gave Jesus long before. |
Our Sunday School teacher had planted the gift idea in Carol's mind.
"I want you to think about giving Jesus a toy, a doll, or anything that you really love. We will give your special gift to a boy or girl who doesn't have any toys." Carol, I'm sure, had a slightly different take on the teacher's words. She took them literally: "Give your special gift to Jesus."
As a seven-year-old, I thought differently about our teacher's request. I began culling all my possessions until I found something suitable, not precious, acceptable but not special. I wrapped my gift, mentally checking off my to-do-list, and laid it on the shelf.
"What are you going to bring?" I asked Carol. "It's a surprise." She used that word to describe all sorts of things, strange and otherwise. I had no clue what she meant this time.
Soon I noticed she was quieter than usual. At night I heard her cry out alternately "No" and "Yes." She would clutch and then push away an object which I knew she loved.
A tattered yellow blanket--was this what she was preparing to give? /The push and pull continued night after night.
One morning Carol placed the blanket in Mother's hands. "Help me, Mommy. I want to give this to Jesus." Mother washed it, wrapped it, and set it on a shelf.
"This is beautiful, and so are you."
The Sunday before Christmas, at Sunday School, we lay our gifts at the foot of the big Christmas tree. Carol's tears were gone, and her struggles were over. She was beaming. And I learned a lesson I'll never forget.
Giving our best to Jesus, no matter what it looks like, is the best thing we can do.
Playing Santa isn't the easiest role in the world. Especially when you're buying or making a gift for your aging parent or loved one.
The following gifts emphasize both ease and affordability. Your loved one doesn't need a lot of "stuff." They have had a chance to accumulate and to move from "more" to "less." Here are a few gift ideas that don't take up much room but can make a big impact for the right person.
A cupcake, a flowering plant or a jar of candy to share. A book, if they like reading and you know what kind of books
Every Thanksgiving, my husband Don, brings out the story of our Pilgrim family members. The Allertons, his ancestors, came to America on the "Mayflower." Isaac Allerton, the family patriarch, had sought freedom of worship, leaving England for America with his wife and children.
One was a six-year-old daughter. She and the other Allertons endured hardship aboard the Mayflower. Her mother didn't quite make it to the shore. She died in childbirth aboard the ship while.in Plymouth Harbor. The baby died as well. Isaac cared for the other children by himself until he remarried.
There are other interesting characters in the Thanksgiving story, Squanto, for one. But our grandchildren especially love to hear about the six-year-old girl. She has an unusual name: Remember. Remember Allerton.
None of us will forget her, thanks to Grandpa Don's annual stories about Remember. Legacy lives on.
