Thursday, November 30, 2017

Faith and Dementia: One Man's Story

I often have the privilege of attending assessments for seniors moving into adult family homes.  Last spring I got to meet Bill, 83, his daughter-in-law Jennifer and Sylvia, RN, the nurse.

"Does faith play a vital role in your life?" Sylvia asked.

It's a question worth asking for all of us, whether we work with seniors, are an adult child of a senior, or are seniors ourselves. 

Bill's answer to the faith question?  What? I don't understand."  His blank look told me it wasn't just hearing loss that kept him from comprehending.  The nurse was speaking clearly, and he had heard the other questions.  But that word--faith--tripped him up.  It had slipped away from his word bank. 

"Faith" is abstract and that category of noun often is the first to be lost to dementia.  Concrete nouns are remembered longer and better.  So how do we translate faith into a concrete noun that makes sense to Bill and others with dementia?

Sylvia tried another tactic.  "Is religion important to you?"  Bill's response was the same.  No dice.  Blank stare.

Bill's daughter-in-law Jennifer tried a crack at the question.  "Do you believe in God, Bill?" Bill relaxed,  a glimmer of recognition crossing his face.  I could tell they were making progress.

Jennifer continued her query into Bill's soul.  "You know Jesus, don't you?"  Suddenly Bill lit up.  "Jesus, oh Jesus!" 

"I don't think He is very happy with me now.  I haven't done much for him lately." 

Jennifer responded, "None of us has done much for Jesus.  But He loves us anyway,  He loves you, Bill.  He loves you!"

Note:  My role as a senior care housing and care specialist with Silver Age Referrals in this assessment was to provide support to the nurse and family.  Jennifer, the family member, led into the discussion of God and ultimately Jesus.  As professionals, we ask about faith as we see an openness on the part of the family or the senior.  And sometimes exciting things happen!






Wednesday, November 22, 2017

A Group Effort: Writing a Legacy Letter to an Aging Loved One

What do these occasions have in common for an elderly person?
  • A big birthday, such as 80, 90 or even 100.
  • A big anniversary.
  • Thanksgiving.
  • Christmas.
  • A move from one home to one with more care.
Answer:  They all call for a big celebration. 

In our family, we're not only celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow. It's also the day my mother-in-law turns 90.  A birthday luncheon and a Thanksgiving dinner:  what a day!

My husband, his sister, and the grandchildren have all been working on a Group Legacy Letter.  See Your Aging Parent's Legacy, Pt. 3 A Sample Legacy Letter.)  It will be read at Mom's birthday luncheon.  They each wrote expressions of love and appreciation, including examples and stories.  They were asked to answer:  What has she taught me by her life and her example?  I combined their letters into a whole, editing and trying to keep their individual voices.

My husband, Don, will read the letter aloud to his mother at the luncheon. 

I'm pretty sure Mom will be pleasantly surprised.  After all, most of these kinds of tributes are presented at a funeral.  Though 90, Mom is very much alive, and we wanted her to know how much she means to us and to others.

How have you and your family celebrated the "Big Occasions" in your elderly loved one's life?
Related Posts with Thumbnails